Moving Through Exquisite Pain
Vulnerability (latin wounding first known use 1605)
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. — C.S. Lewis
When we are going through an exceptionally hard time in our life, we may find it irritating or insensitive to hear about the tenants of positive psychology. The full experiencing of grief makes us piercingly vulnerable and mention of seeing the sunny side of a deeply painful loss feels cheap, insincere and hurtful. We don’t need yellow smiley faces or shoddy positive advice. When we are going through an experience in which we are not sure we can bear the weight of our our own loss, there is only one thing to do.
We have to allow the full force of the loss to land and to really feel it. Sealing ourselves off, there is no going around it, it must be gone through. Allow yourself to steal away, for as long as it takes, and feel the full weight of it. Allow the disorientation, don’t ask any questions, and let it ripen without choosing to come out of it too soon. It is the only appropriate response. This feeling is the full absence of love, and can only occur because love was present. It is the full full relationship with grief that will allow us to:
· re-shape ourselves
· become more compassionate
· be more comfortable with the unknowns
· feel fully alive in the world.
· eventually feel joy again.
When all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. —-Viktor Frankl, 1905-1997, Holocaust survivor