Boundary Setting is a Skill (and I’m getting better at it!)
I’m never more courageous than when I’m embracing imperfection, embracing vulnerabilities, and setting boundaries with the people in my life. Brené Brown
I was first introduced to the idea that we can “create boundaries” when I was 19 years old in a psychiatric nursing class. I was astonished that we could learn to build invisible, protective boundaries when working with the mentally ill. It was an essential skill to set boundaries with patients on the daily, as part of the job. It is not only a psychiatric nurse’s tool, but available to anyone, especially to those who deal with difficult others who intrude on one’s peace.
By simply letting others know what’s OK and what’s not OK, we take the guessing out. This has been one of the hardest and centrally important lessons of my adult life—that I can set boundaries with great warmth and generosity. The consequence of not doing so is to become angry, mean, or self-destructive. I know from experience that avoiding boundary-setting costs us. A lot.
Boundaried people are more compassionate and sincere- they do not involve themselves in things they don’t want to be involved in. Having protective boundaries means that we are enough as is and the discomfort of others does not take precedent over ours.
Choosing Wellness: Unconventional Wisdom for the Overwhelmed, the Discouraged, the Addicted, the Fearful, or the Stuck
Choosing Wellness, the book I released 2 weeks ago (June 11, 2021) is doing really well. Readers are telling me they are having a hard time putting it down and that the candor has helped them think about and begin to make pivots in their own lives.
It is not easy putting such personal work out into the world, so heartfelt thank you for joining me on the journey. Read a chapter, order it at ANY bookseller or contact our team for bulk orders for conferences.
Wellness Weeks in Costa Rica 2022
There has been tremendous interest in the Wellness Weeks in Costa Rica in May and December of 2022. If you are wanting more specific information, go here and sign up for more information. We will be hosting a ZOOM call in the Fall to answer questions.
Wisdom for Twentysomethings
If any of you know, love or work with twentysomethings, here is a great TED Talk by Meg Jay, and her book, “The Defining Decade” is a wonderful read about how the choices we make in our twenties sets us up for success the rest of our lives. Shout out to Helena Healy and Jon Wagner for the great rec- we have all read it!
70 over 70
New favorite podcast 70 over 70 interviews 70 wise people over age 70. The interview with Sister Helen Prejean (Dead Man Walking), Alice Waters and Norman Lear are not to be missed.
Iceland’s most recent volcanic eruption. Astonishing.
This is just what I needed to read today. I “know” this but need to go and put it back into daily practice. THANK YOU
I Hear you Angela! I am Still learning this….but getting better all the time! WHy is this so hard? Its nursing 101……
I’m still a work in progress- difficulty in being a constant caregiver
Starting a new role and definitely will be needing this. thank you
One of the pleasures of aging is gaining wisdom. Boundary setting involves risk, but once established relieves any doubt where you and the boundary recipient stand. Although I wish I had done this much earlier in my career, I’m doing it now, more with my step-children and grandchildren. It’s black and white now, not gray.
Thank you for this insight. Do you have any resources or recommendations to read and understand this concept in more detail? Thanks!
HI LIsa. Yes I would listen to Glennon Doyle on her Podcast, “We do Hard Things- listen to the one on BOUNDARIES. ALso, the book I just published, Choosing Wellness, it i were to sum it up, is a book on Boundary-setting. ALso can be very helpful to talk to a skilled listener- when i was in my young twenties, i sought help because I was so overwhelemd with carrying the burdens of others, I started to erect boundaries and it was quickly very helpful. This is a many-layered topic and I am still working on it!! EIleen
Love the book Eileen and sharing it with my patients in Recovery and Colleagues and Partners in Addiction Treatment!!
THank You Diedre! Very grateful.